“Sometimes you’ve got to look straight into the tired eyes of the woman staring back at you in the mirror and tell her that she deserves the best kind of love, the best kind of life — and then commit to giving it to her, starting today.” ~ S.C. Lourie

“Sometimes you’ve got to look the tired woman in the mirror in the eyes and tell her she deserves the best love and the best life — then commit to giving it to her every day.” ~ S.C. Lourie

Self-care is a buzzword that means something different to everyone. Online lists offer plenty of ideas, but real self-care is deeply personal.

I work in suicide prevention and mental health. I talk about self-care often and help people create their own meaningful lists. You’d think I’d be an expert. The truth? I’m still learning — but I’m far better than I used to be.

My biggest breakthrough came when I started doing the hard self-care.

Easy vs. Hard Self-Care: What’s the Difference?

Easy self-care feels good immediately and fills your cup: hot showers, weekend hikes with family, venting to a friend, baking sourdough, or meditating. These are the practices we naturally make time for because they restore us in the moment.

For years, this was all I focused on. My twenties were a whirlwind of multiple jobs, volunteering, social plans, and the mantra “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” I stayed so busy I didn’t notice how drained I was.

Then came my thirties and two young children. Working full-time while managing a household and never saying no hit me hard.

I was exhausted constantly — the kind of fatigue sleep couldn’t fix. I’d cry at the dinner table, dreading bedtime routines. I begged my doctor for tests, hoping for a clear answer.

Frequent strep throat, stomach issues, and burnout became my normal. Easy self-care no longer helped.

After years of being told “it’s just life with kids,” I finally took charge in 2019. I visited a naturopath who asked me to rate my average daily energy (1–10). I said usually a 2, sometimes a 3.

She looked at me and said, “Honey, that is not normal.” I burst into tears — someone finally saw me.

Bloodwork revealed Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, explaining my crushing fatigue.

That’s when hard self-care became vital.

Easy practices still lift me up, but they weren’t enough for real healing or energy for my family.

Hard self-care meant doing the uncomfortable things:

• Advocating for myself with doctors
• Changing my diet and exercise
• Learning how to truly rest
• Setting firm boundaries
• Being honest about my limits

These steps gave me back control.

Today, I’m on thyroid medication, I know my triggers, and I can spot flares early. I ask for help when I need it and clearly tell the difference between tiredness and fatigue.

Committing to hard self-care over the past few years has changed everything. Many tough habits have become easier. I now advocate confidently, protect my energy, and listen to my body.

When I talk to others, I always encourage embracing both:

• Easy self-care that restores you quickly
• Hard self-care that creates lasting change

True self-care goes beyond bubble baths. It’s also showing up for yourself in the tough, uncomfortable ways that truly transform your health and life.

Both matter. Both are necessary. Both are powerful acts of self-love.